It seems like you’re trading in myths about poor people–and black people, it would seem, by your reference to the ‘hood–that are just that: myths. Everyone has an anecdote about a poor person who didn’t want to improve their life even when given an opportunity. Do those people exists? Yes; there are outliers everywhere. But in general, poor and/or black people are not “happy” to be poor, and sociologists have documented that time and time again. They care about their children, and their communities, just like you or I do. They want better things for their family just like everybody else, but structural inequalities often make it impossible for them to achieve those things. And they’re not stupid–they see what you or I see, and they often know that the odds are stacked very high against them. If that creates what seems like apathy, it’s really no surprise. But it’s easier to assume that they want to be marginalized, rather than accept responsibility for our complicity in their marginalization. The other myth in which you’re trading is the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mantra, which has also been repeatedly shown to not be realistic, across the board. Are there exceptions? Of course, and I commend your grandmother for being one of those exceptions (even though I question whether she didn’t, in fact, have social and cultural capital which allowed her to make a way when others couldn’t), but across the board, we are all vulnerable, and our country responds to our vulnerabilities in different ways. When our country responds to the vulnerabilities of the poor, or of minorities, that response is often unhelpful.

As far as problems being more an issue of class than race, the data and research does not bear that out. Race and class are inextricably intertwined. And yet, we continue to see the independent effect of race in all aspects of American life. I don’t know if you caught the NY Times article a few weeks ago (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/21/business/blacks-face-bias-in-bankruptcy-study-suggests.html?pagewanted=all) about how blacks are steered into the more difficult Chapter 13 bankruptcy proceedings, instead of the less burdensome Chapter 7 proceedings, at a rate much higher than whites, EVEN AFTER controlling for income, home ownership, assets, and education. I teach education law, and just discussed with my students the disproportionate identification of black students as emotionally disturbed or mentally retarded, EVEN AFTER we control for poverty (Latinos, for example, who are also subject to high rates of poverty, inadequate nutrition, toxic environments, etc. relative to Whites are not identified as ED or MR at the same rates). I could refer to loads more studies, but the theme is the same in the workplace, in banking, in healthcare: race exerts a unique and significant impact on the life chances of minorities; and, the experience is even more particularized for Blacks. Again, it’s easier to believe that we’re post-racial, and that all of this is an issue of class, but it’s not. America still has a race problem.

Finally, I don’t want to dismiss your suggestion that personal responsibility is important. To the contrary, we are all responsible for our life outcomes to some extent. But personal responsibility is dwarfed by structural inequalities that limit some of our life chances. It’s about inadequate parental leave policies that make it difficult for women to advance in the workplace. It’s about equal protection jurisprudence that ignores the unconscious or hidden racial bias that animates our law and policies as long as the word ‘race’ is not invoked, while striking down any affirmative action programs which recognize that race must be accounted for. It’s about refusing to acknowledge that we make it easier for middle and high-income individuals to make and perpetuate their wealth, through tax breaks, inheritance laws, and monetary policies. We also differentially distribute human capital–training, knowledge, education, and employment. We differentially distribute ecological resources, in the form of clean environments for some, and toxic wastelands for others. And then, after we distribute these resources differently, we characterize them differently. We don’t call it “undeserved charity” or “entitlements” when we talk about tax breaks for corporations and the wealthy, but we sure do stigmatize it when it’s welfare. Given this reality, the personal responsibility trope becomes almost humorous.

All this said, I am at once hopeful about what America could become, and conflicted about what it is. Am I happy to be an American citizen? Yes, I am. Even given the obstacles, is success more possible here than in many other places in the world? Yes, it is. All the same, I’m not yet ready to jump up and down, and wrap myself in the flag. And I’m certainly not ready to teach my child to worship that flag without also teaching her about the ideals for which the flag stands–ideals that we have not yet achieved.

My mother grew up very poor and went to DC public schools. My grandma pushed her to do well in school and go to college, so by the time I was born, my family was upper-middle class. As much as I try to make myself aware of what is going on in our communities, I see more issues of classism rather than racism.

Although I didn’t watch all of the funeral, I did catch the clip of Cissy Houston walking out of the church behind her daughter’s casket. It broke my heart. To bury a child…the pain must be unfathomable.

I came across your blog after googling the name Cocoa Mamas. I love the name and here’s why: in October 2009, I created a mommy and me group called Cocoa Mama, Cocoa Baby. I call all the ladies in the group “Cocoa Mamas”. Recently, I began a blog for our group, cocoa mamas.tumblr.com. Hopefully you won’t mind sharing this name with me. CMCB, is a group of African-American women who come together monthly for a big playdate while the moms talk and share experiences. I look forward to keeping up with your blog and if you can, check us out too. We also have a Facebook page.

Be blessed