I’ve always been the party girl type. In my younger days, I loved going to parties, drinking, dancing, having carefree fun with my friends. I looked forward to the weekends when I could unwind, either from a long week of classes or a long week of work. Some nightss I would get totally wasted, some nights, I wouldn’t drink at all. But, each night I had FUN!
Fast forward 6-10 years and I find myself not engaging in that kind of behavior very often. In fact, it is so rare, I’m convinced that maybe my party days of old were a figment of my imagination and I never really did anything like that. Oh but I did… and there are pictures and video and a hole the size you my butt in a wall somewhere lol
I went out this past weekend with my friends. For three straight nights, I stayed out late and didn’t go to bed until around 4 am. It was simply AMAZING!!! I don’t get to spend a lot of time with my friends as is, given busy grown up schedules, distance issues, etc. So the opportunity to reconnect and have a great time was warmly welcomed. I also don’t have a lot of free time, being a mom who spends weekends with her son. When I do get a free weekend, which is about once per month, I try to spend it one of two ways: laid out in bed on the couch regrouping and resting; or having a fun, exciting time with people I don’t get to see too often.
Lessons learned this weekend:
- It doesnt matter how long you’ve known someone or how they came into your life, you know deep down who your true friends are and it is important to cherish those people.
- Being a mom means having a child-set body alarm clock. Although I went to bed at 4 am three nights in a row, two of those mornings I was up and wide awake by 8 am. The third morning, I slept in until 10 am.
- Try as you might to escape being a mom, somewhere along the line, at some point in some evening, you WILL bring your kid(s) up. You can’t help it. It happens. More than likely, you will also show pictures. And maybe even video.
- You envy you childless friends in some ways and they envy you in some ways.
- You can’t mix alcohol like you used to. It’s just not something your old body can handle. Hennessy + Jose Cuervo + Bacardi gold + Sangria + Wine Coolers = Asking yourself 18 times the next morning, “What the f**k was I thinking???”
- You’re old. At least one point during the night, you think to yourself, “I’m too old for this s**t” and you shake your head at yourself a few times. You look around and see all the young folks in their carefree early 20s behaving wrecklessly and you feel REALLY old.
But, I felt good this weekend. I felt for the first time, in a long time, I got to spread my wings and live a little. My son was cared for, safe with his father. I had money in my pocket. I had few cares in the world and it felt great. I never imagined being one of those mothers who felt tied down to that role. And yes, sometimes one can feel “tied down”. I’ve been criticized for this, and questioned why I even bothered becoming a mother if I’m still going to hang out and go partying and such. My answer is that being a mother is part of who I am, but if I lose the rest of who Michelle is, what good am I to my child? If I end up resenting my life because I don’t feel like I’m fully enjoying it, what good will I be to anyone?
It’s ok to go out with your friends and indulge in activities totally unrelated to being a mom or having children around. It’s ok to blow money every now and then on things you can’t see or touch the next day. It’s ok to dress like you did before you became a role model. It’s ok to knock back a few shots and dance the night away. If that is a part of you, live it.
CocoaMamas 
Giiiirrrllll….let me tell you, when I was in Mexico a few weeks ago, I was like, “Ahmir who? Amina who? Mommy who?” I did things that I swore up and DOWN I would never do again once I became a mother. I drank from 10 am to 1 in the morning. They were weak a$$ drinks, but whatever! I smoked half a cigarette, something I’d given up in my early twenties, and even though I know it’s a cancer stick it was SOOO good. And a cigar – I thought I was in heaven! And let’s not even talk about the stuff with my husband – it was like first meeting again.
I have these pair of shorts that every time I put them on, I question whether it’s “okay” for me to have them on. Whether a mom should be wearing shorts so short. And I go back and forth. Some days I’m like, damn, I look good in these shorts (I hope!) and other days I’m like, well, would I want MY mom wearing these shorts? Most of the time I answer that I wouldn’t really care what she wore, as long as she felt good. I don’t feel old; at 30 I’m finally starting to feel really comfortable in my own skin, not caring if my legs are shaved or if one more person asks me if I’m expecting (I’m not, damn, I just have a potbelly and small breasts!) And you are so right – being a mom is just ONE part of me – an important part, but I like to feel sexy and pretty and sometimes drunk and tipsy and I don’t feel like any of those things have to be mutually exclusive.
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You are totallyin my head. I used to a HUGE party girl here in Atlanta. It got to the point that pictures of my friends and I would end up on flyers. 0_0 since having my son 2 years ago, I don’t go out much at all. If I do, it’s to the movies or dinner with girlfriends. I kinda miss those nights spent at the club and coming home at dawn to a fridge with nothing but chips and vodka in it. Now I try to get home at decent hour because i know my little one will be up at 6:30 asking for juice.
I haven’t been away from him longer than overnight since he was born and next year will be my first trip away from him (its just a weekend trip to Puerto Rico with my bestie). I’m nervous but I know I need some time to myself. I can’t be a good mommy if I haven’t had time to unwind and let loose for a bit.
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The first time I left my son, he was 9 months old. I went on a 7 day cruise. When I came back, he was looking at me sideways like, “Harpo, who dis woman??” He’d grown attached to the woman caring for him and I was a little jealous, but he got over it in like 20 minutes lol. They know their parents! I was nervous about leaving him, but at the same time, I needed that time away. I was dealing with PPD and having marriage issues, so it was important for me to get away for a while. I can back refreshed and ready to continue on my journey of motherhood.
I have a friend who has a 4 year old and I think she’s only missed 2-3 nights at most. I think to each her own, but thats just bananas to me lol. I’d fear for my kid’s life and my sanity if I didnt get a break every now and then lol
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I partied relentlessly during my late 20s/early 30s, when my little one was still a toddler. She spent weekends with my grandparents (and occasionally her father) while I was working three jobs. I don’t miss those days too much. I’m almost 40 now, and my nights out are few and far between, and on a different level because let’s face it – in at sunrise and up again at 8 is just a recipe for Snark Deluxe.
One thing from this post really stuck out for me though… I wish more people could get their minds around the fact that “Mom” was once a whole person with her own whole life and interests, instead of making the institution of motherhood a cookie-cutter, one size fits all proposition.
Viva la party!
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Your thoughts so closely mirrored my own on the subject, that I could have posted this myself. For 4th of July weekend, I was up until after 3 am each day and still woke up at my “mommy alarm” time despite wanting to sleep in. When I go out to party with my friends, I also have my moments when I look around and think that I am too old to be out this late, but I NEED that time away to just be myself and NOT be mommy for a few hours. I am thankful that I have support and the ability to get away and be myself. Yes, I am always a mother, but there are parts of me that just crave being KELLIE, and having a minute to engage in adult conversation and activities without talking about preschool and Thomas and Friends, lol. I see nothing wrong with breaking away to vacation, party and have time away from kids. some of us truly need that kind of balance to keep ourselves from going crazy. I know I do! There is no ONE way to be a mother. I am certainly not a helicopter mom, and although some may look down on me for it, I have to do what works for me. i cannot hover 24/7 and be ok. I applaud you for posting this, because many moms feel this way and feel ashamed of it.
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Exactly. There is no one way to be a mother. However, mothers can SO critical of others. I had to stop being so concerned about how others might view me and just be myself.
After all, his father put something in my DRINK and thats how I got knocked up anyway! LOL
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ha, ha, ha you girls are crazy :-). I myself feel a bit down. A feel that I didn’t go out for ages and I feel like I lost the fun-crazy person inside me. You inspire me to find it again.
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Corinne,
It is time to get it together!
Reclaim that fun, crazy person you were/are!
I’mma have a shot tonight, JUST for you 🙂
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My husband recently suggested I go out clubbing/bar hopping (call it what you will) with my friends and after reading this post and related comments I think I may just take him up on his offer. I haven’t been “out” without kids (in an adult only environment) in a while (roughly over a year) and I’m only going to get older so why not now?
Glad you had a good time.
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If your husband is telling you to go out, its likely because he is noticing a change in you and wants whats best for you. He wants to see that woman he fell in love with and knocked up again!
come home at 4 am smelling like alcohol and have him questioning who was rubbing up on ya booty! That will spark some fire! Be sure to wear a Freak Um dress too!
🙂
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I went to karaoke last night with the girls, had several dranks, sang my heart out, and had a smashing good time. Plan to do the same next week.
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