My name is Benee and I’m a “Freak Mama”.
What do I mean by this?
Well a few posts back, Tanji wrote about sex after marriage and children and a few people chimed in with their responses about how often and such. I reread that and realized I stuck out a bit. I’m not embarassed, but it makes me chuckle.
No marriage or kid is going to get in the way of a Freak Mama!! LOL
Two interesting facts about me and my sexual identification: I’m bisexual and I’m into BDSM. Yes, I know, you didn’t want to know that much about me. But it is relevant to the issue at hand.
You read Cocoa Mamas, right? So you know I’m going through a divorce and that I’m currently single and dating. You also know that I’ve realized that on the other side of 30 and marriage, I’m far more selective about people I engage with on that level. This is a nice way of saying: Mama aint getting none!! (ok, not “none” but I’ve never been this scarce is my entire adult life!)
So as a single woman, co-parenting a son with the man I’m divorcing, I’m finding my needs are not being as met as I’d like them to be, so sex is almost always on my mind. What’s been on my mind moreso lately is how far I’m willing to go to raise my son to be as open and liberal as I am about sexuality. I’m one of those people who has extremely liberal beliefs about sexuality, orientation, identity, preference, etc. I’m a couch activist for LGBTQ awareness/issues. I’m involved in a BDSM/Kink community on and offline. I believe that these are parts of me that are quite important.
So how do I raise my son with an understanding and appreciation for my liberal ways? Does his being a boy, a Black boy at that, pose any limitations, as Black men are notorious for being conservative about alternative sexuality issues? Will my liberal upbringing have a negative impact or influence him in ways that might hurt him down the line? Is it OK to take him to a LGBTQ Pride Parade when he gets over his fear of crowds? Do I introduce him to women I would date as I would men (after whatever time period)?
What about my kink side? Is it ok for him to see me wearing a collar, for example, if I become collared by a Dominant? Is it ok to see me kneeled down next to a Dominant while that Dominant eats his dinner? Do kinky mothers have to set limits on their outward behaviors around their children? Would that be like hiding though? He’s already discovered my “Special toy” and has even gone in my drawer and brought it to me, offering it and saying “Here Mommy, you need to relax…” What if he discovers my whips, floggers, collars, plugs, clamps, canes, well, you get the picture. The “What’s that?” question is bound to come.
How far is too far? How much is too much?
As a mother, should I be expected to slow down with my “alternative” sexual activity? Am I setting a bad example? I know married folks have sex with their kids in other rooms, but what if I bring someone over and I’m engaging in some kinky BDSM scene and I’m screaming? I might scare my son!! He gonna think dude is trying to kill me!! LOL
What are your thoughts??