The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

   My four year old precocious, bright, funny, gorgeous son… is a pimp.

Ok maybe not in the 1970s Blaxploitation sense.. but he definitely brings all the girls to the yard. I recently escorted him on a school trip (he struggles with anxiety issues still) and I watched as the little girls clamored to be his line partner. A line partner holds your hand when you walk two-by-two down the street. When we got to the theatre, there was beef over who would sit next to him. One girl started crying. Then, on Valentine's Day, he comes home with this:


I think he got the most Valentines of all the boys in class.

Why the title of this blog? He's just like his father, already lol All the women trying to achieve that number one spot. I joke about it, of course, because he is only 4. But it does make my mind run wild.

I came to a point where I began to question if I wanted his father, as the man he is/was, to be the one influencing and shaping his idea of manhood. I have not, and do not, consider his father a good role model in terms of how he should treat women or carry himself as a man. I'm not interested in bashing him, but essentially, our marriage fell apart because he is a liar and a cheater. He is also raising my son with one of the many women he cheated on me with.

How do I explain that to my son as he gets older? How does his father do that with a straight face? How do you teach your son to be a man when the man he should be modeling himself after doesn't even know how to be one? How do I teach my son to do opposite of everything his father has done with women?

I'm scared… I guess. I'm scared my son will end up just like his father in that regard. That he'll become a man who lies, cheats, and is abusive. That he will come to accept that mistreating women is ok so long as his own selfish needs are taken care of. How does his father teach him to be the opposite of him? Isn't that hypocritical? What lies will he be told when he starts asking questions about why we aren't together and how he ended up with the new woman? Will that lead to my son resenting his father? I don't want that to happen.

Boys are rather protective of their mothers. My ex even had issues with his own father for the way he treated his mother and other women in his life. It is helpful to note, my ex is just like HIS father (with regard to the whole womanizing, lying, cheating, thing).  Hell, my own dad was a womanizer who lied and cheated and was abusive.  It is not far-fetched to believe my son has a good chance of ending up the same way; it's in his DNA.

And yet, I am letting him have primary care-giving responsibility. Am I over-thinking this or am I justified in having this concern?

Black men and women are struggling when it comes to relationships. Every statistic out there reinforces this idea. The key is to raise our children better, provide them with better examples of how to be. How can we do that when we're not doing the best ourselves? Black children need more positive examples of loving, successful relationships, not based on deception and lies, but on truth, love, respect, honor. Too many baby mamas and daddies caught up in vicious cycles of hate and antagonism. Not enough strong, solid foundations from which they can learn how to be strong Black men and women.

Your thoughts?

Trials and Tribulations

It ain’t easy being the parent without primary housing responsibilities. I won’t use terms like “custody” or “custodial” because we have not settled all of that officially.

But, it has its issues. One issue is finances. We argue over finances, tax claims, purchasing responsibilities, etc. We make agreements, one person renegs, and things fall apart. We were doing well before, but I think changes happened because of decisions I have made in my personal life that he does not agree with. He seems to be taking a more adversarial approach with me.

Another issue is time. When your child isn’t with you daily, it becomes easier to disconnect from parental obligations. When you only see your child on weekends, it is often like the child is temporarily stepping into your life, so you don’t make a lot of changes. I realized that in my new house, nothing indicates that I have a child. There are no toys scattered, no child’s bed, no pictures even save one magnet on my fridge. It isn’t a kid-friendly home by any means.

A final issue is missed opportunities. I miss everything. Part of it is because his father fails to inform me of when things happen. He claims he doesn’t want to interfere or intrude in my life. What? This is my son we’re talking about. How is telling me about a school event or development intrusion? It’s like he shuts me out intentionally. I resent that. And recognize that it makes me feel even more disconnected than I felt when he was around all of the time.

I realized things were becoming a grave issue when 4 days passed and I hadn’t spoken to him once. I’d asked his father to get him into the habit of calling me and not relying on me to call him. This isnt to say I have a problem with calling him, but I want him to begin to get used to the idea that whenever he wants to talk to me, he can pick up the phone and call me. His father agreed. I asked him this over a month ago and he has only called me twice. I got so caught up in my day-to-day life that days passed without me speaking to him and I hadn’t even really been impacted by it. I’d called a few times but either his father didn’t answer or he was in the bath or he was asleep.

I’m not feeling this at all.

He tells me that he has every intention of keeping him at least through the 4th grade. 5 more years of this? I don’t know man… what will it do to our relationship? And why do I feel more and more comfortable with that  idea?

I don’t know if that makes me a bad parent or just indicates that maybe I recognize what is best for my son in the long run.

In the meantime, I’ll have to settle for text-messaged pictures of what he is doing.

I had to ask if that was me, or daddy’s new girlfriend…


At the beginning of a new year, as I take time to re-evaluate things going on in my life, choices I’ve made, and experiences I’ve had over the last year, I come to the place of contemplating inspiration. Maybe we can think of it as motivation, though I think there are some variances in the definitions of the two words.

My greatest inspiration is my son. When I think of why I do just about everything I do, I always come back to him. My divorce, my weight loss, my move, my financial planning (thus my career choices), every thing I do, I do for him.  It’s interesting how someone so small, so young, so innocent can inspire me in so many ways. We’d like to think we’re supposed to be the inspirations for our children, and we are. I just offer that the level of inspiration we receive from them far outweighs that.

I wonder what I did before I was a mom. Wonder what fueled my decisions… what was my motivation. I can’t even remember and at this point, it doesn’t matter.

I wonder, though, what happens for those who lose their children. What becomes their inspiration or motivation? This forces me to consider how immensely changed my life was the moment I became a mother and how, in all of my efforts to do so, reclaiming the “me” before I had a child is impossible. I will never be that woman again. I might lament the loss of “freedom”, the loss of “fun”, the loss of being responsibility-free, but to what end? What I’ve gained, at the very least in form of inspiration, is incomparable, irreplaceable.

I love my son. I need my son. He inspires me.

Who inspires you?

What inspiration do you draw from your children?

What has becoming a parent changed for you, in terms of your goals/plans?

In The Best Interest Of The Child

There was a spirited discussion on CocoaMamas about whether or not fathers should (be able to) walk away from their parental responsibilities. One reader contacted me and said she wanted to share her story, which includes her making a conscious decision to not allow her child to see the father. The names and certain elements of the story have been changed to protect those involved.

Linda knew her daughter’s father for at least 10 years or so and they had worked together at some point. She wasn’t particularly attracted to him in a romantic way and they’d been generally friendly with each other. He liked her, but she didn’t exactly return the feelings, as she found him to be quite opposite of her.  She’d experienced the loss of someone close to her and sought the shoulder of someone who didn’t know this person as well, we she felt that was what she needed at the time. She would later realized he never asked her about the person or the loss. She learned early on that he was rather self-absorbed, which was a turn off.  They began to spend more time together during this time of grief and one thing led to another and they became intimate. They stopped “seeing” each other when she became pregnant.

She had some health complications while pregnant with her daughter and his contact was sporadic at best. Though he made promises to be there, he did not hold up his end of that. She sought support from her friends and for some reason, he was threatened by that. He felt it threatened his manhood so in efforts to compromise, she asked her friends to give her some space and allow him to come in and fill the role they had agreed to take on. Shortly after, he left to go overseas for over a month. Back at home, she was living with friends, occasionally sleeping on couches, facing eviction… she really struggled, all with no assistance or emotional support from him. When she’d reached a low place, she decided it was best she return home to her family. She wanted him to “be there” but she realized it was primarily because she did not want to be a single parent; it wasn’t that she wanted to be with him. She wanted to devise a coparenting plan, but it became clear to her that he was more focused on living his life uninhibited by the responsibilities of being a parent.

When he returned from overseas, he moved in with her, having had a change of heart. He stayed all of three weeks. In that time, he helped her with cooking and cleaning. Later, he went to one doctor’s appointment, the one appointment where she learned that her daughter needed to be induced due to complications. It was by chance that he was there for the birth, as she feels he likely would not have been had things turned out differently.

After her daughter was born, he came by every day for two weeks, then the visits became less and less. Then he stopped coming altogether. Because her daughter was premature, she required special care. He once asked if he could take her and keep her at his mother’s house for a month and Linda declined, citing the baby’s health issues. She did, however, let him keep her overnight once. When she called to check on her daughter, he snapped her telling her to leave him alone, that he could handle it. As any mother would, she worried about her child. He became uncooperative, ignoring her requests and special instructions. It became difficult to establish consistency.

In their daughter’s first year, he saw her no more than 10 times. He gave her money while she was pregnant, but after, his sister bought clothing for their daughter a few times. At this point, she had no idea where he was even living. After promising to come and cancelling several times, she took matters into her own hands and requested that he give her advance notice when he planned to take their daughter or come visit. He didn’t agree to this so as their daughter got older, she decided she didn’t want him popping in and out of her life, making promises to come and not showing up, etc.

When she moved to another state, back home with her family, he claimed she moved to keep his daughter away from him. She faced eviction, had nowhere to turn, and did what she felt was best for her and her child. She then sought to set up formal visitation and while he agreed to the mediation, she became sick and was hospitalized. He would later claim that she bailed on the mediation in efforts to keep him from seeing his daughter. To rectify this,  she filed papers to provide him with established visitation, even paid to have them delivered and he never responded. When she suggested he filed for visitation on his own, he said, “Over my dead body.”

What followed were a series of harassing, abusive emails and texts, questioning her capability as a mother, making her feel like she was responsible for his not seeing his daughter. Her responses became standard, “File for visitation.” He refused. He once randomly sent a box of clothes. Another time, he sent a picture of himself. In his emails, he rarely asked about his daughter. It was all about him, about the pregnancy, about all of the things she supposedly did to him. For her well-being, she made efforts to send her daughter to see him. She sent her through a friend or her sister. She insists that he make efforts to set up a formal schedule, but he refuses. He seems to want to see his daughter when its convenient for him, on his own time, which is almost never.

While Linda feels at this point he is of no use, she ideally wants him to be a part of his daughter’s life. She wants him to become more consistent with calling and visiting. She wants him to show that his daughter is more important than anything else going on in his life, but he has not done that. She is willing to compromise, meet him half way, but she feels finds that he is not willing to compromise. However, he would copy pictures from social media outlets and post them as if he was present at the events (like birthday parties). He makes it look like he is an involved father, when he is not.

She decided that it is in the best interest of her daughter to detach. It is also in her best interest because when he engages with her, he becomes abusive. She told him to focus on their daughter, but he rarely speaks of her. He uses his communication to berate her and she has had enough. She doesn’t think of him as an evil man, just immature, misguided, and unable to prioritize. When she feels that he finally understands the importance of having a solid relationship with his daughter, she will feel more comfortable letting him become a regular part of her life.


Keep A Child Alive

Today is World AIDS Day

It is a day devoted to raising awareness for the global HIV/AIDS epidemic. It is a day when we reflect on those who have died and those who live with this virus and this disease. It is a day or sorrow for many… as is every day for those suffering with the virus.

It is a day most of us should be grateful… as most of us do not have children who are infected with HIV. Most of us do not have HIV/AIDS so we don’t worry about who will care for our children when we are gone. Most of us don’t even know someone up close and personally who lives with the virus. We should be grateful to be so unaffected.

At the same time, we cannot forget all of the mothers around the globe who ARE affected and infected. We cannot forget the 14.2 million children who have been made orphans by HIV/AIDS. We cannot forget the mothers ravaged by depression because they birthed HIV+ children. We cannot forget the efforts made by a few to curb the spread of HIV/AIDS with a few simple pills a day.

We cannot forget every mother around the world who wants nothing more than what most of us have: happy, healthy, disease-free children.

I have HIV+ friends. I’ve lost HIV+ loved ones. I’ve worked with HIV+ clientele, also mentally ill and/or homeless. I watched my own mother become heavily involved in AIDS organization after she lost her best friend in the 80s. Her work inspired me as I hope to inspire my son. I want him to be compassionate to the plight of other children. I want him to grow up with a passion in him to DO something. My son is among a generation born with no knowledge of a time without AIDS.

I can only hope his generation puts an end to it.



We always knew something wasn’t quite right.

Every child has their quirks and growing pains, but something was very different about our son. We knew it, but maybe we lived in the kind of denial that convinces you that your child will just grow out of it. Isn’t that what children do, according to every expert, doctor, and book? They just grow out of it.

My son is overly fearful… of everything. Maybe not everything, but most things. Not in the normal sense of being a young, fearful child, but in the sense of almost irrationally fearful. Take hair for example. My son has an irrational fear of hair. It began about 2 years ago. He would see strands of hair and freak out. He’d scream, cry, start shaking, run away. If even the smallest hair was in his bathtub, he would move as far away from it and scream for me to remove it. Whenever I do my hair, he won’t come near me, even when I ask for a hug. He might tentatively come close, but if he sees a strand on my hand or arm or shoulder, he backs away and tells me to remove it. He does it with fear in his eyes… its trippy.

That’s just one example.

This is a problem because of school. In school, he has exhibited signs of terror and fear that concerns his teachers and the school social worker. My son’s eruptions have become so well known, most of the teachers and administrators know him by name.  He is not allowed to go on field trips unescorted because on the first trip to the Botannical Gardens, he bolted 3 times, trying to run home. He was terrified. They say they haven’t really seen his type of reactions much in their careers.

Is it crowds? Is it loud noise? These are the first two places I go to. He does well in locations he is used to like playgrounds, the book store, food shopping. I’m truly worried because this expression of fear began when we got rid of his stroller. I’d noticed he was tense even earlier, but I guess he relied on the safety of his stroller, so I didn’t pick up on it as easily.

The teacher called his father and I in to meet with her and the social worker.  They are concerned because his fear is preventing him from actively participating in important things. His school is unique in that they begin changing classes at the pre-K level. They go to different classes and teachers for social studies, music, dance, and art. He struggles with changing classes, less now than before, but some times, he tenses up and rebels.

His primary teacher says he clings to the teachers and doesn’t interact with the other children as much. He will tell us all about his new friends and their life stories, but he doesn’t actively engage with them. He sits on the sidelines. Or, he plays alongside them, not with him. I thought back and realized that he’s always been like that. In playgrounds, he’d run around alongside the other kids but never played WITH them.

They praise other things about him. They say he has the most expansive vocabulary and the greatest sense of humor. They say he is intelligent, witty, charming, creative ,and artistically talented. They say, however, that he shows little interest in engaging with the other children and that he has low self-esteem because when attention is focused on him, he pulls into himself and trembles… with fear.

Is it our fault?

We have combed his entire life trying to figure out how this developed. We are outspoken, fiery parents who have encouraged his self-expression in various forms. He has amazing energy and is extremely independent. But, like many children raised as only children (he has an older sister but sees her only occasionally), he keeps to himself, preferring imaginative play with himself.

They say he needs therapy. “Play therapy” specifically, because they fear he won’t “make it” in kindergarten. 3 teachers now, 1 teacher then plus several more children. They basically feel like this “fear” has to be treated before he can progress.  What parents wants to hear that his/her child needs any kind of therapy? Who wants to hear that your child is not the perfect little being you thought he was? It hit us like a ton of bricks, having outsiders, experts tell us that he needs help we can’t give him.

We’re going to do the best we can to get him the help that he needs. We are proactive parents and we’re going to have him assessed on various levels. We want to check everything from his hearing he has major issues with loud sounds) to cognition to his adaptive and coping skills. We will be there with him every step of the way, but part of me feels we’re partially to blame. He exhibited these signs before we split, but they’ve seemed heightened since we did. I feel like we’re putting him through SO much change at once: new school, new friends, new homes, etc. that it’s overwhelming him. While he should be adjusting to the normal growing pains of being a 4 y/o pre-schoolers, he has the added adjustments that come with being the child of divorced parents.

No, he isnt perfect, but that doesnt mean something is “wrong” with him. I’m trying to be strong, but when I look at that perfect smile and hear his goofy laugh… I can’t imagine him needing help that I can’t give him.

I’m struggling y’all…

Another Year… Another Reason To Smile

Yesterday was my son’s 4th birthday.

It was also the first birthday I was not there to say “Happy Birthday” when he woke up. It was the first birthday I didn’t dress him in a special birthday outfit. It was the first birthday I didn’t get to sing a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday” to him.

It was also the first birthday he was full aware of. It was the first birthday he looked forward to and counted down the days to. It was the first birthday he spent in school, celebrating with school friends. 

I was sad the night before, moved to tears. I thought of my difficult pregnancy, how I didn’t want him at first, of all the turmoil I went through with his father during pregnancy, during our marriage… I was saddened by the turn of events that led to his not being with me. I woke up, called him and wished him a good birth day. I wanted him to know Mommy loved him, even though I wasn’t there. He knew. He always knows. I picked him up after work and went out to dinner. After, he didn’t want to get in the car just yet… he wanted to walk around with me, so we did. When it was time to get into the car, he resisted, but eventually he went in.

He asked, “Mommy am I going to my old home with you?”

I almost lost it right there. I explained he was going back to daddy and that I would pick him up on Friday. When I dropped him home, I gave him a big hug, he gave me a big smile, and we exchanged “I love you”s.

I drove home, not tearful, but happy. This is a new beginning for us, a new path, a new way of being. My baby has given me four years of the greatest gift a child could give a parent: the opportunity to truly Love.

Happy Birthday, again, Pooda. Mommy loves you always.

(class singing Happy Birthday to him)

And So It Begins…



Garvey's 1st Day on Earth

 I knew from the moment we decided upon his name, Garvey, he was going to be someone special. Of course, every parent feels this way about his/her child(ren). But, something in my soul knew he was meant to be. We didn’t plan him, he just kinda made his way to us. We fought a lot, but he brought us together. In the saddest moments I’ve had recently, his smile, semi-funny-but-not-really-funny jokes made me laugh, his dancing has kept me entertained… he’s been my rock. He is going to go far in life… His life has purpose!

Natural-Born Revolutionary

And now, he is going to school.  I discussed here the struggles we were having finding somewhere for him to go to school. On Friday, we finally found out where he is going to school and it happens to be one of the better schools in NYC. It’s conveniently located a few blocks from his father’s job, and my research tells me this is exactly where I want my son to begin his educational path to greatness. I’m quite pleased. He will live with his father during the week and stay with me on weekends. We worked this out in his best interest and I anticipate his success with this arrangement.

And so we’re opening the next chapter: School.

If I cry one more time…

New school clothes: Check
Fresh haircut: Check
Thomas and Friends Bookbag: Check
The Ability to Wipe Himself After #2: Check

Lately, I’ve just been watching him, this firey ball of energy who loves hugs, kisses, trains, and Michael Jackson. This beautiful prince whose future is so bright, this man-child I made. I’m just in awe of him sometimes… I get caught up in loving him so much, it can be overwhelming.

I’m ready. I’m ready to let my baby go out into the outer world we call school. I’m ready for him to make new friends, have new experiences, and be in the care of someone responsible for a bulk of his education. I’m ready for the cuts and bruises. I’m ready for pictures of turkeys made of his handprint. I’m ready for his first written sentence. I’m ready for him to say, “Mommy, don’t kiss me in front of my friends!” I’m ready for everything that comes with taking this next major step…

…I think.


I'm A Star

Yes, Baby… you are

Alternative Lifestyle

My name is Benee and I’m a “Freak Mama”.

(Hi Benee!!!)

What do I mean by this?

Well a few posts back, Tanji wrote about sex after marriage and children and a few people chimed in with their responses about how often and such. I reread that and realized I stuck out a bit. I’m not embarassed, but it makes me chuckle.

No marriage or kid is going to get in the way of a Freak Mama!! LOL

Two interesting facts about me and my sexual identification: I’m bisexual and I’m into BDSM. Yes, I know, you didn’t want to know that much about me. But it is relevant to the issue at hand.

You read Cocoa Mamas, right? So you know I’m going through a divorce and that I’m currently single and dating. You also know that I’ve realized that on the other side of 30 and marriage, I’m far more selective about people I engage with on that level. This is a nice way of saying: Mama aint getting none!! (ok, not “none” but I’ve never been this scarce is my entire adult life!)

So as a single woman, co-parenting a son with the man I’m divorcing, I’m finding my needs are not being as met as I’d like them to be, so sex is almost always on my mind. What’s been on my mind moreso lately is how far I’m willing to go to raise my son to be as open and liberal as I am about sexuality. I’m one of those people who has extremely liberal beliefs about sexuality, orientation, identity, preference, etc. I’m a couch activist for LGBTQ awareness/issues. I’m involved in a BDSM/Kink community on and offline. I believe that these are parts of me that are quite important.

So how do I raise my son with an understanding and appreciation for my liberal ways? Does his being a boy, a Black boy at that, pose any limitations, as Black men are notorious for being conservative about alternative sexuality issues? Will my liberal upbringing have a negative impact or influence him in ways that might hurt him down the line? Is it OK to take him to a LGBTQ Pride Parade when he gets over his fear of crowds? Do I introduce him to women I would date as I would men (after whatever time period)?

What about my kink side? Is it ok for him to see me wearing a collar, for example, if I become collared by a Dominant? Is it ok to see me kneeled down next to a Dominant while that Dominant eats his dinner? Do kinky mothers have to set limits on their outward behaviors around their children? Would that be like hiding though?  He’s already discovered my “Special toy” and has even gone in my drawer and brought it to me, offering it and saying “Here Mommy, you need to relax…” o_O What if he discovers my whips, floggers, collars, plugs, clamps, canes, well, you get the picture. The “What’s that?” question is bound to come.

How far is too far? How much is too much?

As a mother, should I be expected to slow down with my “alternative” sexual activity? Am I setting a bad example? I know married folks have sex with their kids in other rooms, but what if I bring someone over and I’m engaging in some kinky BDSM scene and I’m screaming? I might scare my son!! He gonna think dude is trying to kill me!! LOL

What are your thoughts??

The Rising Popularity of Single Motherhood?

Maybe you haven’t noticed, but people (read: Hollywood) seem to be embracing single motherhood these days. I know, I know… it seems impossible, right?

Well, it is only possible if you are White, or at least non-Black.

In recent years, there have been a number of movies about White women having babies in unconventional ways. Knocked Up, Baby Mama, The Back-Up Plan, and The Switch are all movies about White (or racially ambiguous, in the case of JLo’s movie) women become pregnant or seek to have babies in ways other than being married or in committed relationships. These are romantic comedies that usually involve the female falling in love during pregnancy or after having the child, so they all pretty much end up happily. Seems cool, right?

I have to ask then, as a Black single mother, where is MY positive, funny, romantic representation?

In 2009, CNN featured an article about out-of-wedlock births being at an all-time high.

Nearly 40 percent of babies born in the United States in 2007 were delivered by unwed mothers, according to data released last month by the National Center for Health Statistics. The 1.7 million out-of-wedlock births, of 4.3 million total births, marked a more than 25 percent jump from five years before.

There are so many negative statitistics related to the likelihood of how these lives of these children will turn out. Oftentimes, these statistics are associated with people of color (Black, Non-White Latino). According to the article 72% of Black children are born out-of-wedlock, compared to 65% American Indian, 51% Latino, 28% White, and 17% Asian. White women have the second-lowest rate, yet Hollywood seeks to glamourize their plights and paint the picture that when White women have children outside of traditional marriages, it is because the women choose it, they are older, they just want to be happy with babies and don’t want to wait for men to come around. “Knocked Up” is the only movie that made it “accidental”, but the main character had a great career and a high paying job, so it was assumed that she would do just fine because she could handle it.  She briefly considered abortion, but opted to keep the baby and prepared herself to raise it alone because the father was a less-than-responsible stranger. In the end, however, they fell in love through bonding over the pregnancy and it all worked out for the best.

This idea of choice is important. According to the article 50,000 of women delivering babies annually are single mothers by choice. It cites women getting older and dealing with biological clocks ticking as motivation and sperm banks as the answer. However, these methods are costly, so chances are that these women are financially capable of handling the expenses of raising a child alone.

What about Black women? Are we making the same choice? This article  talks about the rise of single  Black women adopting children, suggesting Black women too often encounter men who show little interest in being married, so they take it upon themselves to become mothers as their child-bearing window begins to close. According to this article, Black single women made up 55% of public adoptions in 2001.  There are 330k+ Black women aged 35-44 who have never been married or had children, which the article suggests is the motivation for Black women seeking alternative means to become mothers.

Can we afford it?  From the articles referenced above, we spend an average of $15,000 to adopt or go through in vitro fetilization or the use of sperm from sperm banks.    But then, this article says that 38% of Black single mothers live at or below the poverty line. Economics is definitely a factor for women of any race, but it seems as though Black women are more likely to face economic challenges. But, many of us highly educated, career women are still spending money to become mothers. 

So where is our movie?

I could comment on the lack of positive representation of Black women, Black love, and Black families in Hollywood in general, but that’s another idea. I’m wondering how something that was once a negative stereotype most commonly associated with Black women is now suddenly becoming the “in” thing among White women… and why is Hollywood now romanticizing it?

Where is the non-Tyler Perry written/directed/produced/acted/scored/distributed/animated movie about a successful single Black woman who CHOOSES to become a single mother, does so successfully, and falls in love in the process? Or maybe she doesn’t have to fall in love, but find some support. One of the earlier articles said that 80% of children born out-of-wedlock are born to romantically involved parents, so being unmarried doesn’t mean not being happily in love or in a good relationship.

So where is our movie?

Where is our TV show?

I’m pondering all of this as I find myself a divorcing single mom co-parenting a small child and finding myself ready to date again. I’m pondering this because of my concern that my being a single mom is a negative in terms of being found appealing as a mate. I’m pondering this because of the negative stigma still attached to Black single moms that I hope to debunk or at least avoid. I’m pondering this because I’m wondering about the likelihood of finding a mate who takes us as a package deal if so many single non-mothers are struggling to find mates. I’m just doing a lot of pondering and I’m wondering how you readers feel about this Hollywood trend and the lack of positive representation of Black single mothers in media.