This question has come from my son more frequently recently, and I find myself unable to say “No”.
Yesterday was my first day of leaving my new job and picking my son up from his abuela’s house and taking him home. At first, he asked “Is daddy coming?” and I had to reply “No, baby he isn’t”. He kind of frowned, but then sighed and said “Ooookay”. He then ran around the house, playing around, not wanting to get fully dressed. I spoke with his abuela and she said “You know, if you ever want to just leave him overnight, it’s fine”. I had to explain to her that it is important for me to spend time alone with him and bring him to my home, which is the home he has known most of his life.
I’m noticing he is showing a preference for being there. And why shouldn’t he? He has more family members there, grandparents are always nicer, and it’s far more stable. I told her that there may be some nights that I come and take him out for a few hours and bring him back, but for now, I’m working on getting him more used to going back and forth. Part of me wonders if I should be doing even that, since I plan to move at the end of the year.
Maybe during this time, he should have as little back and forth as possible. Maybe, I ought to put my own desires to stake my claim as an equal parent aside, and focus on creating more stability for him. Maybe, I do need this time to myself. I don’t know. I guess I need to discuss it further with his father after this week is done.
This is so hard. It makes me even more angry at things that transpired between his father and I that led to this point. I’m in a much better place now, and my life is going so wel in other areas, so I’m trying to not let any negative emotions take over right now.
But it’s still so hard.
So for now, if he wants to sleep with me when he is here, I will let him. He misses his Mommy and wants to feel my warmth and comfort as much as he can.I will give him whatever he wants and needs right now.
That’s what Mommies do.